Just One More Day

As I write this post, my hands are currently covered in crayola markers from my turkey drawing expedition with my five year old. I have to admit, drawing is not my most valued gift, but to my little one I am a Van Gogh! We took our handprint as you may have seen and made Turkey's out of them. As I began to trace her little hand I started thinking about how special this moment was for me. Since she has started Kindergarten this year, things have been really busy. We have had family come and visit, trips taken, school activities and other extra curricular activities to do to fill the time. Today was not much different, but Caroline had a dental appointment that required sedation so that meant a day home was in store for us. So after a quiet morning and some cold goodies ordered by the dentist, we decided to make some turkey cards for teachers and Aunts. After the activity was over, I just looked at the tiny hand print left behind and I couldn't help but to think of how fast time is going for my sweet girls. People always say that time will only start going by faster once the kids reach school age, but I never believed it. I mean really, how could they know. Didn't they know I was Just like all other mama's with little ones. My days felt long and seemed to be seamless. There was no way that any day would seem fast to me. I encouraged and pushed my children to hurry up and sleep through the night, take your own bottle or be weened from me, crawl, walk, start preschool, potty train,graduate preschool, tie your own shoes, read to yourself, and our most recent moving out of a carseat. Now I know these things are necessary for them to grow up and become functioning adults, but I also had some selfish motives to get these things accomplished. With being alone most of the time while the girls were little due to a Marine on deployments, I would have mountains of housework to get accomplished, a car that always needed to be cleaned out, a dog that needed a bath and somewhere in the day I just tried to find a little "me" time; always longing for just one day!

Now three years later, we have learned and dealt with being infertile and accepting the fact that these two sweet girls will probably be our last babies, we have accomplished all of the above goals, and now I have plenty moments by myself. Instead of welcoming this new change to my life, I meet it with great resistance. I have been told "embrace your new found freedom and try new things for yourself", but really I only find myself counting down the minutes until I can go pick up my sweet one's from school. Crazy sounding I know, but really the house is too quiet, my day is still filled with the same housework that I always felt overwhelmed with when my babies were home. Only difference now, is the laundry and housework is done and the house has moments when perfection remains, but I find myself missing the little hands that help me fold the wash cloths, someone in the back seat of the van asking me to sing to them, quiet naps where I was invited to stay, trips to the park, bible stories accompanied by our favorite snack, and art are now just fainting moments that I shared with my children. Don't get me wrong, we still engage in so many fun things over the weekend, but these little days during the week are very far and in between times.

So forgive me if my art was not perfect today and I am a marker mess, but now instead of longing for my selfish days, I look forward to days like today that leave me begging for just one more day like this one; a day filled with extra hugs, snuggles, and someone needing my help. A day when instead of my prayer being, "Dear Lord let this day pass by quickly", is now filled with prayers of thanksgiving and pleading "Lord I just need more time"!


Here is a poem I read from a woman named Audri Broggi off her blog "Mothering From The Heart" and she is such an inspirational christian mother that I thought it was something all mom's should have some where in their home to read on a daily basis. My copy is on my note board in my office, so I can see it all the time.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2010

Too Busy
I wrote the following poem many years ago as a note to self:

Today I was busy, too busy to hear
Your laughter, your games, but your voice was so clear.

I worked and I worked, no time to relax
To tell you a story, carry you on my back.

I washed all the clothes, I scrubbed all the floors
I cleaned out your closet and your dresser drawers.

You cleaned up alone, you got yourself dressed
While I kept working and thinking about self.

When you asked me to color, I said, “Not today,
I’m busy, I’m busy, too busy to play.”

I took care of me, I did all my things
I hardly noticed when you started to sing.

I heard you pretend and I heard you play
All the while I kept saying, “I’m busy today.”

When night came along, I said, “Go to bed.”
You paused and I questioned, “Did you hear what I said?”

You got in that bed, you pulled up the covers
You wanted some time, You wanted your mother.

Yet I was too busy to take time with you
I just wanted to finish and get the day through

Consuming my thoughts was to get you in bed
I walked in your room and here’s what you said,

“Mommy, do you think you could stay just a bit?
Tell me a story? Read me a book?”

You asked with such longing, how could I say no?
How could I ignore you, how could I just go?

I felt so ashamed as I looked in your eye
And suddenly I realized the day had flown by.

I stayed for awhile, I read all your books
I held you so tightly, I was glad for your look.

As you said your prayers, my heart felt such tears
For I realized the days were turning into years.

The man you’ll become is shaped at my knee
I mustn’t forget the man that you’ll be.

So tonight little guy, I’m stopping to touch
To pull you real close and love you so much

So tonight I will hold you as long as there’s time
For tomorrow will come when you’re no longer mine.

Yet I have today, I still have some years
I’ll spend them with you as long as you’re here.

When you grow up, you won’t need me the same
But I’ll never be too busy when you call my name.

I love you

What's That I Hear?

As a true southern girl, I love the ocean and everything about it and when two years ago my husband called me from deployment and told me we were moving to Kansas, I told him he was crazy and that didn't the Army know he was a Marine?!?! Well it was no joke and a couple of months later we were packing up and driving to the midwest. Although, I was not sure of what to expect, I knew that my husband, Marine, and family would be together for our very first non deploying tour and after doing 5 deployments, we met the new adventure with a lot of anticipation. To much of my surprise, the part of Kansas we were living in was very hilly and had lots of character similar to my old faithful town of Beaufort, SC. The only thing missing was the ocean and seafood. I have to admit, it took me a little getting used to, but living there became a new family favorite. We made friends that would last a lifetime and made memories that will forever bring a smile to my face.

It was there in Kansas that I began to understand and appreciate the beauty of Fall. I have always loved the Fall season, but now when I see the trees change colors, I think of a beautiful Army Post and the trees that circulate the ponds there. When I hear my children skipping down a lane, I can hear the pebbles they skipped on those same ponds. For every crisp apple comes the taste of homemade apple butter. Large corn fields full of corn, pumpkin fields with the biggest pumpkins I have ever seen and big green tractors and cowboys that would melt any city girls hearts!


For our family, this small town gave us a gift of family. It was a place where time well needed was spent. If a hand needed to be held it was held. There was time to celebrate and a time for sorrow. It was a place where dates were often, and two parents were at every school/sporting event! The church pew was filled by a complete family. Prayers were lead by the leader of our family every night at the dinner table and at other times. It was a place where we began to understand how much we missed one another and how to realign our priorities. Living there has always been a college joke of "the best year of your life" and with all joking aside, we can now say that was so true! It is a place where a Marine can put down his weapons and pick up his baby girls. It is a place where in November for veterans day patriotism is served better than anywhere else I have ever lived at a little local school called Macarthur Elementary. It is a place where daily chaos is slowed down by the passing of a train. The nights are filled with cool evenings, lightening bugs, and sound of trains passing in the night.

The other day, a friend asked me if I was okay because I seemed a bit quiet. Which if you know me, it is a rare occasion. I later told her that I was dreaming of other places to be and I knew from the outside view that would seem so strange. But, for me it is a place where in these next few months my mind will hold tight to. When we feel alone and need those hugs, we will remember the days we had our Marine there and the kisses he was able to give every night. It was a place where bitterness was lost and since of unity was restored.Every now and then in this big city of San Diego, you can hear an occasional train sound. And recently, this happened while driving home from gymnastics and my girls say, "mama what is that I hear?" and I say it sounds like a train and for a moment a silence filled the car and finally a sigh comes followed by I miss that place and I tell her baby girl we all miss the midwest and that one and only other sound that can soothe our souls better than a ocean wave and that is a howling train!!!!

Living In A Small Town

Recently, I was thinking about a conversation that my husband and I had about growing up in the same small towns our whole life. We discussed the fact that what were the chances that two people would meet and end up traveling the world together and leave the only hometowns we ever knew. Besides, having college endeavors. We also began to talk about our girls and how sad we thought it would be that no matter how much we get to see in this world as a Marine Corps family that our children will never experience going to the same schools as their neighborhood friends for all of their educational career, how they will never have just one bedroom that was always theirs, or having family at every sporting event and birthday party. Just the thought of this made me pretty sad for them. But, then I started thinking about all of the places God has led the Marine Corps to take us. Although we have not lived in just one small town in the past 13 years, but 4, we have been a part of so many wonderful experiences that only a small town can offer. My children have learned through these life experiences the same core values that C.L. and I learned, but so much more richly. These small towns like our own, has taught them that every community really is a village. Every mama knows your mama so it is best to listen to them. They have learned that local football games are a big deal, friendships are easily made and broken, they have learned that each family has a belief system, but the best place to be is at your local church. They have learned that acceptance in a small community is essential to survival so reaching out to others is a must. We have had and continue to have a storm of children through our house on a daily basis. So I have learned to take each fingerprint as an opportunity to love and nuture and I know my neighbors have and do the same. Being in a small community gives a sense of security, love and pride. It is something that can't be felt in a big city. The feeling gets lost in a rush of people and traffic. The smog wears it down. It is in the small town that people take time to say hello, check on their neighbor, lend a helping hand, or pick up groceries at a local market. It is where you have friends that cheer a family on from the side lines just like a real family would because they are loved so much. It is where children have friends that are as close as cousins could be. These areas and special people have helped us redefine the word family. It is where the "slow" people live. I am thankful to be one of those and happy that my children are becoming a part of such a special group. If being part of this group means the things above, then please count us in. Our small towns may not be fancy and may not have the highest end equipment that the bigger places have, but they do have people who care. People who recognize you when you ride your bike down the road, the "boys" are the local heroes, and everyone has an opportunity to be famous, if only for a second in a small town.

So although we as a Marine Corps family have not been placed in one area forever, we have had an opportunity to be a part of some pretty special places. We have taught our friends our southern traditions, that mason jars make the best glasses, deep fried dishes are a must for comfort food, Saturday morning breakfast is open to everyone, hugs were given when they were needed and a hand was lended when in need. My children have shown me that it is not about how long we have been somewhere that matters, but the imprints that we leave behind.

Say What You Need To Say!

The power of words is something that I have never taken lightly. I have even talked with my children about their mouths and the words that come out of them can be something powerful. So I have preached to them before speaking you need to think, is this something that needs to be told, is it helping anyone, and does it reflect a christ like heart. Sounds easy, right? It should be, but many times It is a lesson we can all learn from.

The idea that words are powerful is not a new concept, but is something to not take for granted. It is a tool that can be used to build people up or tear someone down. Everyday we make a choice in how to use our words. I have often thought about there is always a place and time to say what one is thinking. It is healthy to convey things, to open your heart, but being careful with words is something only God can give someone. So for me, prayer helps guide me when there are things that need to be said. Honestly, there are many times that I have thought I should say things and then after prayer have realized they don't need to be said at all. I guess this is why God warns us of using our tongues. Smart man. But, as a woman there are times I have struggled to keep my opinions to myself and to be more open minded.

On the flip side, due to recent events that have happened in my life, I have learned that there is no better time than now to use your mouth to tell others around you how you feel about them. Of course, I mean in a positive way. Say what needs to be said to those you love. Tell your spouse how much you still love them, tell a friend how blessed you are by having them in your life, forgive someone, hug someone that needs to be hugged and reassured by kind words. Tell your kids they are awesome, pray daily, tell a friend you miss them if you are no longer living close by. Take a moment and do these things. I know it sounds cliche, but it is true, we are never promised tomorrow. So embrace today and all it has to offer.

One of the last lessons I have taught my kids about the words they say, is by doing what they say they will do. I emphasize to them, nothing speaks louder to those around you than doing! Say what needs to be said and act. Keep promises, work for others, show people through actions who you represent and what is in your heart. Be a voice that even angels listen too.

"I love You this Big!"

So by now everyone has heard the hit song " I Love You This Big" from the American Idol winner Scotty McCreery. Since I do not watch much t.v. my first time hearing it was when we were home in Florida visiting. I loved it immediately and since then has become a family favorite for my family. Recently, while singing this song I noticed my girls would point to me during the chorus of "I love you this big" and how it made my heart melt. As the song continued, I kept thinking about their first smile, first laugh, first steps, first boo boo, and the first time they rode their bikes without any training wheels, I remembered every moment as if it just happened and now here they are both in school and singing the same words to me that I have told them their whole lives. When the song was over, we quickly took to the next one on my playlist. However, this song filled my head for the rest of the day.

Later that evening, when it was time for bed, it was our time to talk about the day, reflect on the things we had done, and pray. And as we talked, I realized how quickly my little ones are growing up.I love this time of night because I get to talk to my children and pray with them individually. I get to see their perspectives on things and we have some really interesting conversations, but we also have some beautiful quiet moments. I tucked in my sweet Caroline and she prayed for the whole world and hugged me and reassured me again, that I would be fine once she began kindergarten. I just smiled because this is something she has reassured me of everyday since she finished preschool and our reading of the book "The Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn. Great, but a heart wrenching book! I gave her kisses once more and went to my oldest daughter's room and this was our moment. Being that Grace is my more spirited child these evening conversations can be full of questions and energy but this night, she decided to ask me a very heartfelt question "mommy no matter how big I get, will you still love me no matter what?" I was shocked because I thought by now she knew I would always love her. I have only told her a million times since she was born that I did, but I softly explained to her that of course I did. No matter what! She took me by my hand and said ok just wanted to check. And at that moment she began to pray and I just watched her hands in mine. They were still so tiny like the first time she wrapped her hand around my fingers as a baby. Only this time, her fingers are longer and her palm had more strength and that was the moment that I understood she was still a little girl. Sure she is getting older, talks like an older child and at times there are things she does that I am sure she understands the reasons why, but still she has a young impressionable heart. She still needs my hands to steady hers. Whether it is to help take her first steps, or while learning about life's lessons. She still needs me, her mama, to remind her yes baby girl, " I love you this big!"

Needless to say, before I put myself in bed, this song kept playing over and over in my mind and finally it hit me. This song was on my mind as a reminder to not take for granted the need my children have for me and for myself to not take for granted the need I have for my heavenly father. As I began to pray that evening It was one filled with thanksgiving. One of thanksgiving for my children, husband, and friends and most importantly for a God that still loves me no matter what and will always say to me "I love you this big."

My Little Song Bird

I have written a post before about music and the effects it has had on my life, but have come to realize that it has not only moved me, but my children too. From the time they were babies, I would sit and sing to them. Most of the time it would be silly songs or classic lullabies. I remember how much better they would respond to me if I just did it in a natural sing song voice. Then my sweet ones became toddlers and no matter what I did during the day or how great their nap went that day, they always had what we called a "witching" hour before dinner, bath, and bedtime. So just as they were babies I would pick them up, turn on the radio and sing and dance our hearts out in the kitchen and for that brief time period in our life the "witching hour" suddenly became one of the most memorable experiences I have had as a mother with my kids. I remember how singing for them changed their mood and suddenly tears turned to laughter and my anxiety level would go down tremendously. I also remember that usually right before dinner was placed on the table, their daddy would come home, decked out in a flight suit and would join the fun. He would swirl and twirl the girls around before wrapping his arms around me to take the last dance before the song ended. And for those who do not know, boy can my man sing! He would sing the last tune and then it would be time for dinner. Everyone would eat, take their bath, brush teeth, read stories, and finally one last song before prayers. Oh how many days this was our normal routine.

Now that the girls are a little older being 5 and 7 they still continue to love music and songs. Now more than ever I am more mindful of what lyrics they hear because when they repeat them they are saying the actual words to the song verses making words to fit the sounds they were hearing. But still music for them is still soothing. Their voices are maturing, they can carry a tune and now many days it is them singing to me that is so uplifting. Currently, in our neighborhood there are several girls around my girls ages that love to perform and put on productions. So there are often front yard concerts given to any onlookers that are willing to sit and listen and boy can these girls sing a song.

Although the songs they are singing mostly are from current record labels from Sara Evans, Taylor Swift and other household names. Some songs do not change over time. Now that the girls are older they are not pulling at my legs at 5:00 crying for dinner, but they do have long days. Now they asked to be sung to when things have been a rough day or if they cannot fall asleep. So I gladly take my place as I have done so many times and rub their backs and sing to them the classic lullabies, and good southern hymns. My G's favorite being the old rugged cross. I can almost feel the deep sigh she takes every time we get to the part where it says until "my trophies at last I lay down". Oh sweet girl. You are so right.

This tradition is something I hope my sweet girls will do forever and will pass on to their children. If you have not done it in a while you should. Roll down the windows in your car and sing to the top of your voice, sing and dance with your children in the kitchen. Take a moment to enjoy a sweet song before bed. Not only will you feel better, but your kids will too. But you too might discover you have a song bird that can sing!

Going Home

Just recently me and the girls got to take a trip to my hometown of Pensacola, Florida. They love going and visiting my parents also known as GiGi and Granddaddy and their Uncle "B" and cousins while there. It is a place that I use to travel to frequently, but have now had to make it a annual visit since we live so far away here in California. I always know when I have landed home because as soon as I step off the plane I begin to sweat from the humidity and I can feel the stickiness that only a southern raised person can love. Our trip was full of business and we had lots to get accomplished in three weeks and amazingly enough we did it all. We started off with a birthday celebration for my dad and we actually surprised him with a great party, food, and guests. Then we headed to SC to check on our house and meet our new tenants. We also took time to visit with ageless friends and do a little shopping in the downtown Beaufort area. Oh how my heart still loves that place. That is another post all of its own. Then we headed back to Pensacola.

Most people know that my hometown is special because that is where I grew up, but it is also the place where I met my husband while he was in flight school so going home for me is a huge walk down memory lane. It is a place that is familiar, loving, and full of family. It is the place where I can be me, relax and eat the best seafood in the world. It is the place where my southern roots began and where hopefully one day will end. It is this sweet place that never gets old to me and becomes more appreciated by me with my own age. It is a place where my children understand how to fry a fish, eat a crawfish, shell a shrimp, can go wade fishing, and can appreciate the pruning of your fingers from swimming in the ocean all day. It is a place where as my Grace describes as the place with "the best smelling air". That would be the salt she recognizes at 7 that lingers in the air and can be felt on your skin.

Watching my children be at home with our family allowed me to remember me and my brother and cousins growing up. The beach trips we took, how we fished off of the 3 mile bridge with my papa, ate home cooked dinners every night with my mama and daddy, the ball games we went to and celebrated, the vacations taken, the spankings I got, the hugs that were given and reminding of how much I was loved everyday. It reminded me how no matter how old I get my family is always there for me just as they were when I was growing up.

Needless to say leaving home this time was a little more painful. It is funny how that works for me. You can't wait to leave a place when you are young, but count down the days til you can go back when grown. Oh how much I love my sweet home Pensacola!