Tuesday, October 14, 2014
As I sit here and write this blog entry, I can't help, but to reflect upon the past 8 years. My husband and I went through infertility issues following our oldest girls and for the first time, we understood the meaning of being told no, over and over again. With each new medication, chart, thermometer, we were met with the reality that a third baby just was not going to happen. I remember how sad that made me and how many times I questioned God why he no longer chose me to be a mother. I prayed earnestly, I prayed that he would hear my pleas as much as he heard Sarah and Abrahams. Fast forward to 7 years later and one morning after feeling sick for days, I learned we were expecting. I remember how I laughed at God's sense of humor. The timing was all wrong, we had moved on and accepted the reality of two is it for us. Then it hit me, it was not about our timing at all. It was about HIS timing and HIS plan that HE had laid out for our family. HIS grace over me was shown in that first ultrasound when we saw our sweet pickle for the first time. I cried. It was blurry and alien looking, but it was my sweet baby, my answered prayer. My pregnancy was difficult, HG took a toll on my body. I was physically and emotionally drained, but I was diligent in prayer. Never once wishing this would not have happened. Finally, 9 months later, October 15th, we had our sweet Riley Joy. She was beautiful and perfect in every way possible. Amazing things happen to you with each child you have and Riley Joy has been no exception. Maybe it is because we know she is the last baby we will have, but I find myself holding her longer, pushing her less to meet developmental milestones, I study her toes and each little roll and crevice she has. I have held her longer just to hear the diaper crinkling in my lap, the heavy, grumbled breathing, just so I can remember. I savor each time I can rock and sing to her. Our current favorite is " You Are My Sunshine". Last night, I actually got so teary singing it thinking these last couple of days are my last baby days. Wednesday you will be one and transition to a toddler. Oh the things that await in this next season. With each line I sung, memories flooded over the past and all I could think of was gratitude and humbleness. God knew I needed this one more baby and so he granted me my request. My prayer for her is that she knows how much she is loved and wanted. How special it is that God saw each step of her creation. How if she draws near to HIM, HE will draw nearer to her. HE will guide her along this life's journey. She is HIS light and she shines brighter amongst her peers and I pray that no one will ever take that sunshine away. Happy Birthday Riley Joy, AKA Pickle! Mama, Daddy and Sisters love you! You are my sunshine, My only sunshine, You make me happy when skies are gray, You'll never know dear, How much I love you, Please don't take my sunshine away.