Just Waiting

Well this week can be summed up in one word "healing". Monday my sweet little Caroline had surgery to remove her tonsils and adenoids. I knew this would be a week full of popsicles, icecream, pudding and jello, but the one thing I did not think it would be would be days of waiting. For everyday that has passed, my little girl grows stronger and braver. She braves the yucky medicine as she calls it and the eating of more foods. Honestly, she has been stronger than I would be if I were in her shoes. I have to admit, I have a low tolerance for pain, but lucky for me my children take after their father. For most of the time during the day in between popsicles my sweet girl just sleeps snuggled up in our family's favorite blanket. Right before she falls asleep, she always asks for me to sit right beside her. It is here that I find myself waiting. I wait for her to wake up, give more pops, give more meds and again she will drift off to sleep while I continue to sit here and wait. If you know me, this is very difficult for my ADHD personality because I naturally want to be up busily moving around getting housework and other things completed. As I sit here writing this, I stare at a huge mountain of laundry on the table and hair that needs to be swept off the floor, and dishes that need to be unloaded, but instead I sit here and wait as my little girl requested.

While content on my cozy end of the couch, I began to think about my heavenly father and how much waiting does he do for me. I am sure there are days when he would rather be doing other things, instead, he waits for me to come to him. He waits for me to pray, ask him for the help that I need and for me to give him thanks. It also reminded me of how patient he is for us. How easily frustrated I become by sitting still and waiting for my next move. Instead, he waits and when I am ready for him, he takes me right in to his arms. He never tires, gets discouraged, or angry. He just waits. So for the next few days as I wait on my princess, I will use this time in study and prayer because I know he is already there just waiting!

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Just One More Day

As I write this post, my hands are currently covered in crayola markers from my turkey drawing expedition with my five year old. I have to admit, drawing is not my most valued gift, but to my little one I am a Van Gogh! We took our handprint as you may have seen and made Turkey's out of them. As I began to trace her little hand I started thinking about how special this moment was for me. Since she has started Kindergarten this year, things have been really busy. We have had family come and visit, trips taken, school activities and other extra curricular activities to do to fill the time. Today was not much different, but Caroline had a dental appointment that required sedation so that meant a day home was in store for us. So after a quiet morning and some cold goodies ordered by the dentist, we decided to make some turkey cards for teachers and Aunts. After the activity was over, I just looked at the tiny hand print left behind and I couldn't help but to think of how fast time is going for my sweet girls. People always say that time will only start going by faster once the kids reach school age, but I never believed it. I mean really, how could they know. Didn't they know I was Just like all other mama's with little ones. My days felt long and seemed to be seamless. There was no way that any day would seem fast to me. I encouraged and pushed my children to hurry up and sleep through the night, take your own bottle or be weened from me, crawl, walk, start preschool, potty train,graduate preschool, tie your own shoes, read to yourself, and our most recent moving out of a carseat. Now I know these things are necessary for them to grow up and become functioning adults, but I also had some selfish motives to get these things accomplished. With being alone most of the time while the girls were little due to a Marine on deployments, I would have mountains of housework to get accomplished, a car that always needed to be cleaned out, a dog that needed a bath and somewhere in the day I just tried to find a little "me" time; always longing for just one day!

Now three years later, we have learned and dealt with being infertile and accepting the fact that these two sweet girls will probably be our last babies, we have accomplished all of the above goals, and now I have plenty moments by myself. Instead of welcoming this new change to my life, I meet it with great resistance. I have been told "embrace your new found freedom and try new things for yourself", but really I only find myself counting down the minutes until I can go pick up my sweet one's from school. Crazy sounding I know, but really the house is too quiet, my day is still filled with the same housework that I always felt overwhelmed with when my babies were home. Only difference now, is the laundry and housework is done and the house has moments when perfection remains, but I find myself missing the little hands that help me fold the wash cloths, someone in the back seat of the van asking me to sing to them, quiet naps where I was invited to stay, trips to the park, bible stories accompanied by our favorite snack, and art are now just fainting moments that I shared with my children. Don't get me wrong, we still engage in so many fun things over the weekend, but these little days during the week are very far and in between times.

So forgive me if my art was not perfect today and I am a marker mess, but now instead of longing for my selfish days, I look forward to days like today that leave me begging for just one more day like this one; a day filled with extra hugs, snuggles, and someone needing my help. A day when instead of my prayer being, "Dear Lord let this day pass by quickly", is now filled with prayers of thanksgiving and pleading "Lord I just need more time"!


Here is a poem I read from a woman named Audri Broggi off her blog "Mothering From The Heart" and she is such an inspirational christian mother that I thought it was something all mom's should have some where in their home to read on a daily basis. My copy is on my note board in my office, so I can see it all the time.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2010

Too Busy
I wrote the following poem many years ago as a note to self:

Today I was busy, too busy to hear
Your laughter, your games, but your voice was so clear.

I worked and I worked, no time to relax
To tell you a story, carry you on my back.

I washed all the clothes, I scrubbed all the floors
I cleaned out your closet and your dresser drawers.

You cleaned up alone, you got yourself dressed
While I kept working and thinking about self.

When you asked me to color, I said, “Not today,
I’m busy, I’m busy, too busy to play.”

I took care of me, I did all my things
I hardly noticed when you started to sing.

I heard you pretend and I heard you play
All the while I kept saying, “I’m busy today.”

When night came along, I said, “Go to bed.”
You paused and I questioned, “Did you hear what I said?”

You got in that bed, you pulled up the covers
You wanted some time, You wanted your mother.

Yet I was too busy to take time with you
I just wanted to finish and get the day through

Consuming my thoughts was to get you in bed
I walked in your room and here’s what you said,

“Mommy, do you think you could stay just a bit?
Tell me a story? Read me a book?”

You asked with such longing, how could I say no?
How could I ignore you, how could I just go?

I felt so ashamed as I looked in your eye
And suddenly I realized the day had flown by.

I stayed for awhile, I read all your books
I held you so tightly, I was glad for your look.

As you said your prayers, my heart felt such tears
For I realized the days were turning into years.

The man you’ll become is shaped at my knee
I mustn’t forget the man that you’ll be.

So tonight little guy, I’m stopping to touch
To pull you real close and love you so much

So tonight I will hold you as long as there’s time
For tomorrow will come when you’re no longer mine.

Yet I have today, I still have some years
I’ll spend them with you as long as you’re here.

When you grow up, you won’t need me the same
But I’ll never be too busy when you call my name.

I love you