So by now everyone has heard the hit song " I Love You This Big" from the American Idol winner Scotty McCreery. Since I do not watch much t.v. my first time hearing it was when we were home in Florida visiting. I loved it immediately and since then has become a family favorite for my family. Recently, while singing this song I noticed my girls would point to me during the chorus of "I love you this big" and how it made my heart melt. As the song continued, I kept thinking about their first smile, first laugh, first steps, first boo boo, and the first time they rode their bikes without any training wheels, I remembered every moment as if it just happened and now here they are both in school and singing the same words to me that I have told them their whole lives. When the song was over, we quickly took to the next one on my playlist. However, this song filled my head for the rest of the day.
Later that evening, when it was time for bed, it was our time to talk about the day, reflect on the things we had done, and pray. And as we talked, I realized how quickly my little ones are growing up.I love this time of night because I get to talk to my children and pray with them individually. I get to see their perspectives on things and we have some really interesting conversations, but we also have some beautiful quiet moments. I tucked in my sweet Caroline and she prayed for the whole world and hugged me and reassured me again, that I would be fine once she began kindergarten. I just smiled because this is something she has reassured me of everyday since she finished preschool and our reading of the book "The Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn. Great, but a heart wrenching book! I gave her kisses once more and went to my oldest daughter's room and this was our moment. Being that Grace is my more spirited child these evening conversations can be full of questions and energy but this night, she decided to ask me a very heartfelt question "mommy no matter how big I get, will you still love me no matter what?" I was shocked because I thought by now she knew I would always love her. I have only told her a million times since she was born that I did, but I softly explained to her that of course I did. No matter what! She took me by my hand and said ok just wanted to check. And at that moment she began to pray and I just watched her hands in mine. They were still so tiny like the first time she wrapped her hand around my fingers as a baby. Only this time, her fingers are longer and her palm had more strength and that was the moment that I understood she was still a little girl. Sure she is getting older, talks like an older child and at times there are things she does that I am sure she understands the reasons why, but still she has a young impressionable heart. She still needs my hands to steady hers. Whether it is to help take her first steps, or while learning about life's lessons. She still needs me, her mama, to remind her yes baby girl, " I love you this big!"
Needless to say, before I put myself in bed, this song kept playing over and over in my mind and finally it hit me. This song was on my mind as a reminder to not take for granted the need my children have for me and for myself to not take for granted the need I have for my heavenly father. As I began to pray that evening It was one filled with thanksgiving. One of thanksgiving for my children, husband, and friends and most importantly for a God that still loves me no matter what and will always say to me "I love you this big."